#21 You're In High School Again. You're Nothing Again.

I'm hesitating whether or not to write this blog. I feel as if writing in here everyday will be a little too much for people to read. But I still want to write everything out.

Today my school hosted a spring fair. It went pretty well compared to what I heard about last year. I hosted a sponge booth where you get to throw wet sponges to teachers and students. I earned a total of $81...and I think that was the most out of all the other booths (except for the PTA, those parents are crazy with food).
After the fair, I went to our school's Harlem Is...Showcase. It was better than I thought it would be and highly entertaining. I got the chance to see a lot of my fellow classmates perform in dance, poetry and acting. So everything was good there.

I left the school around 4 and took the train. When I transferred, I gave a call to my sister to tell her that I'm almost home. She told me that my report card came. I went up and I got an 87. I didn't think it was too bad, but from the sound of my sister's voice, she wanted me to do a lot better. I was upset because I felt that I had to constantly live up to my sister's good grades and that she was disappointed in the grades I got. I never feel like what I do is enough for her. I got upset when she kept asking me questions and I made myself look like an idiot when I screamed "Shut up!" out loud on the train. So I just hung up and kind of cried.
I got home and confronted her. She told me that she never meant to make it seem like that and that she was only asking questions because she was concerned. I told her I feel as if she's always comparing me to other students and whatever. She said that she never meant to do that...but I know that she still does that.

I'm a slow learner and I was never good at academics. However, I do love photography, art, acting, writing and everything that requires creativity. Just not school. I can't work when people challenge me to do better...I do better when people are supporting me. My sister always did better because she wanted to prove to my parents that she can do well. And she did. Always got over 90 on all her subjects.

I can't compare to her. I know she's smarter than me academically because it's just not my strong point. I just wish I didn't have to live under her shadow because I know as a fact that my mom will always compare us and I just hate it.

Love,
Jay